It's been a hard couple of days. When my regular schedule is interrupted (Labor Day, I'm looking at you...), it can be a challenge to maintain peace in the chaos.
No matter what my circumstances are--and honestly, right now they are pretty good for me and my family--I have times when I'm in a funk, a mental, spiritual, and emotional fog that I can't seem to shake, even with my normally chipper attitude. It is draining and exhausting and I hate it.
Waves of anxiety crash against my soul. They're not logical, or I could think my way out of this place. No--I feel a lot that can't be reasoned with. My friend Kelley tells me if I can just let the waves crash and tell myself that the storm will pass, it gets easier. She prays for me to know the anchor of my soul.
I reach for the cross and the beads of my rosary. It's not a habit I'm very good at; I suppose that indicates how 'good' a Catholic I am these days. But the weight of the wooden crucifix brings me comfort, somehow tying me back to a deeper reality amongst the surge of emotions I'm feeling right now.
I start to pray, the cross and the Godman clutched between my fingers, as I drive to get my kids from school. I sit in the parking lot and have to look up how to pray the Apostles' Creed--it really *has* been a long time since I've done this.
I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth...
Just one line in and it hits me--the reminder that because I'm created in His image, God has called me to be a creator. Immediately, my mind and heart travel to Lent, earlier this year. The last season I spent much time with the Rosary was during Lent, and I was creating. The theme for this Lent was joining God in creation. The practices I incorporated into my life during that season significantly impacted my life and I realize--I am where I am today because I took God up on His invitation to create with Him.
I want the act of creating with God to be easy, smooth, natural, and effortless. Sometimes it is, but a lot of times, it's not. I'm in the midst of some huge creative projects right now--my book, editing a magazine, building a business--and it's easy for me to be distracted from the act of co-creation.
But God and I are in this together. And when I don't cling to Him, when I just let myself float in my own creative and tumultuous waters, I start to sink after a while.
Clutching the cross today, turning back to prayer and to him, I realize that I must let Him anchor me. I breathe in, then out, and I feel the waves crash over me again. But this time, fear doesn't overwhelm me, and the anxiety doesn't loom so large. We're in this together. I'm not alone.